This story really begins somewhere around 10 DPO, when that little blue stick read “+ Pregnant.” I knew a baby was coming. I hoped for a baby. I yearned for a sweet new baby to love, but in that moment, I was terrified. I didn’t know how I would possibly love two children the same. I didn’t know how I could possibly be a loving, attentive, wonderful mother with two kids. Being a mother has been the most rewarding and remarkable achievement in my life thus far. The fear passed quickly and I was soon full of excitement for everything that was to come. I told my daughter she would be a big sister almost immediately. I imagined the beautiful relationship that would blossom between my sweet babies. I imagined how beautiful my birth would be. I imagined how inviting another sweet soul into our family would change everything.
The early season of pregnancy was mostly just a lot of exhaustion. Nothing remarkable occurred aside from not having my normal energy to interact with my daughter and accomplish all of the things around the house. The middle season welcomed many food aversions and nausea, along with more exhaustion. I also began to feel many growing pains in my pelvis and ligaments, due to how quickly my belly was protruding. The late season was full of complaining about how tired and sore my body was. I felt as though I was pregnant forever, even though the time seemed to pass fairly quickly. I was seeking body work more and more frequently as the end neared. My hormones and emotions were raging. Quite frankly, I was miserable. Being pregnant is not at the top of my list of favorite things. For weeks leading up to the birth, I had several “this might be it” moments. I tried all of the things to get this baby out and he was just not having it. I finally surrendered and accepted the fact that he would come at the perfect time. I was not in control of that. There was nothing I could do to coerce him. I got my hopes up so many times that when labor actually started, I didn't really believe it was really happening. For a few hours, I messaged friends describing my feelings, saying I wasn’t really sure, waiting it out. Then the back labor came… I knew there was no turning back. My friend came to support me and brought her son to occupy my daughter. I frantically started cooking chicken leek soup to take my mind off the early labor. I knew I would want something warm and satisfying after giving birth. The sensations intensified fairly quickly, but I think I was mostly bothered by the tightening in my lower back and hips. It didn’t take long before I felt ready to get into the pool, which may have been a rushed decision looking back on the evening. I was able to relax some, but I definitely think it slowed things down more than I wanted. I eventually had to get out to try and pick back up. I felt stuck in transition for what seemed like quite awhile. No position was comfortable. I was exhausted - I think I may have actually fallen asleep between waves a few times. Most of this part is a blur now. There was an excruciating, burning, stretching sensation in my cervix as it opened. I begged for it to be over and was close to tears during several of the waves. It was a little after midnight when my daughter was incredibly overtired and crying for me to put her to bed. My partner was able to coax her downstairs to the couch with snacks and a movie. It was then that we turned off the lights and I really let myself fall inward. Something like three waves passed, one on top of the other, when my waters burst. Within seconds I could feel his head descending. My partner frantically laid out chux pads and grabbed towels when I told him the baby was crowning. At this point, I was outwardly reminding myself to slow down. I knew that despite the pain, I had to let the baby do his own work. I couldn’t allow myself to push against the pain. When his head came out, I smiled and said, “he’s okay.” I could feel his body turn just seconds before he emerged into the water.
This birth was raw and excruciating, yet empowering and beautiful. The waves of emotions flooded over me. I couldn’t believe I just brought my baby earth side. He was so incredibly perfect. He opened his eyes and we instantly connected. He felt no need to cry. He was safe in my arms, surrounded by the ones that love him most. We were in awe.
After a few incredibly rough surges, my placenta emerged. I stood out of the water to move to my bed and it eased into my hands - large and intact. I climbed into bed with both of my babies and cleaned us up. Daddy and Sister severed the cord together, and as a family, we took his stats - 8 pounds 14 ounces and 21 inches. He latched quickly and with ease, then I passed him to my partner for some skin to skin. My sweet Dawson Tate has been making us smile ever since.
The beauty of this experience led me to this path. I hope to create these impactful moments with each of you. Allow me to join you on your journey.